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21 Months Post-Op/Weight Loss Surgery.


Friday 10th August

It has been 8 months since my last review so I was looking forward to this one.
The Nurse showed me in to see one of the Bariatric Consultants who warmly greeted me with ‘Hello, I havent seen you for ages!’ The reality was; I have never seen him before in my life, but I have heard his name mentioned a few times. I didnt ruin it for him, just went along with it lol.

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(Main reception at Walsall Manor Hospital)

He was reading through my notes as he asked me how things were going. After a lengthy discussion the areas of concerns were:
1. I have gained 14lb in 6 months
2. I am eating alot of the wrong foods
3. My blood results show anaemia that needs to be treated and raised liver function tests due to my gall stones.

The day I checked in at the pre op Weight Management Clinic I was 23 stone. I was given the target to gradually reduce my weight whilst I waited for my surgery date. I was on the waiting list for over a year, during that time I maintained my quartely reviews, saw the pyschiatric consultant, who confirmed I was NOT mad (LOL), the anaethetist and encouraged to eat healthily by the Dietician to continue to lose the weight.
I was fortunate.

14 months later my big day had arrived.

Day of surgery:  25th October 2010 – Weight 137kg/21st8lb/302lb

Today:  10th August 2012 – Weight 96kg/15st1lb/211.6lb

Although he was happy with my initial loss he was not happy with my recent regain… We had some discussions around ways of working with my grazing, emotional eating and head hunger. He wanted to know what personal issues have caused my recent stress and anxieties but I chose not to discuss them as my daughter was with me…
I have tried everything. Nothing works, I know its down to me. He prescribed Celevac 500mg. I have to take a tablet with a glass of water at least 30 minutes before each meal, it is meant to bulk me out so I eat less. He said there isnt much research behind its use but it has worked for some post op gastric bypassers. I am willing to try anything, so I have a 3 month script.

My bloods were not repeated today but he felt I would need to be booked to have my gall bladder removed soon if my bloods remain unstable or if I get an acute episode of epigastric pain :-(.

He has given me the target to lose at least 14lb in 3 months, so when I go back in November I should be a stone lighter. I never did get to Onederland. But now the Bariatric Surgeon has set me this target. I have to achieve it. I have to get rid of the regain and some.

My BMI is still high so I do have to keep working on this. I dare not mention plastics until I can prove to myself I am worthy. But now with this gall stones issue looming…..

My weight loss surgery journey continues and boy what a ride.

Mitzi x

 

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Happy in My Own Skin?????


If a group of us sat and took time to look at this picture, and I mean really looked at this picture, we would all see different things…

So go on…

Give it a try right now…

Tell me what you see?

I am sure if you look long enough some of you may think it tells a story, some may find it triggers a distant memory .. and for some of you its just a picture right? What ever you see, its personal to you, its your vision, how you see it, no one elses.

So, each day following weight loss surgery is much of a muchness. I see the same people Monday-Friday more or less which does not present a problem. However, I find I am more nervous of meeting the ones I dont see that often. All sorts go through my head before, during and after we meet. What are they going to think? What are they going to say? What are they thinking now? Do they think I’ve changed?

This week I met up with a friend I have not seen for about 6 months. It was lovely to catch up but also a little nerve racking – FriendsWithBenefits* and boy did I need those benefits.

We had a lovely evening, went for a walk, enjoyed a meal and live music and headed back to the hotel quite late. Gulp! Thats when panic set in. I wanted to have a bath and go to bed and in order for me to do that I actually needed to get undressed…

I even made the point of buying myself a pair of new full length PJ’s to wear complete with hoodie. I did not want him to see me. The lbs are melting away but where the blubber has gone the skin remains, just hanging, you know, chilling out around my belly, arms, inner thighs, buttocks, chin – just waiting for my Lottery Numbers to come up and for me to go running off to the nearest ‘fully trained, reputable, registered and ever so competent, experienced plastic surgeon’.                    I wont even go there with the tits… I can now fold them like a Tortilla wrap and stuff them into my bra!!!

In Setember 2010 I fit the skin I was in, actually, let me rephrase that – I outsretched it just a little bit LOL ..

But now….

Anyway, things were going well, I had a lovely soak in the bath, got myself all cosey in bed trying to look all sultry and seductive drinking a cuppa tea.

Things started to warm up when he said those words  ‘get on top’

I could of died…

I refused!

Bless him, he didnt insist, he never would and I never raised it with him afterwards. We normally talk about everything… but I just pushed this under the carpet.

Because my weight loss surgery was ‘open’ my scar starts from my breast bone and ends at my belly button. Over the last 16 months it has become more and more keloid in its appearance. My abdomen has more stretch mark  tram lines than a map of not just England, but the entire UK!

As I type, all the emotions come back. The brick walls I seem to be continually putting up are getting higher and higher. When I was heavier I was aware I was too big, and hated who was looking back at me in the mirror. Here I am at 16 months post op and I think I may actually be worse now than I was before… I know this is work in progress, and I am not saying I am not happy about the weight I have lost. Just wished that when I stand infront of the mirror in all my glory, I felt happier about what I saw; and maybe then, I wouldnt worry about what others see.

Happy in my own skin???

Think you know the answer to that one 🙂

Mitzi x

 

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Compliments!!


I came out of a room into the corridor at work today when this voice behind me said ‘you dont half look small from the back Mitzi!’

It was one of the staff Jules. She complimented me on how good I was looking and asked me what size clothes I was wearing and how much I weighed now. When I told her she was like, ‘your catching me up girl, if you lose anymore I’m gona have to go on a diet’  she gave me a huge hug and then we went for lunch to share some of the  pumpkin soup one of the other girls had made 🙂

Really made me beam, gota learn to do that more.

Its funny though, when compliments come my way I still struggle with them.

After years of being big I still see a big person looking back at me in the mirror.

Only took a few words but Jules brought some sunshine into a week of high blood pressure and constant headaches.

Mitzi x

 

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Obstacles…


Its been a crazy few weeks for me. I really have no idea whether I am coming or going. Everything just seems to be a complete mess, my nerves are on edge, I am close to tears one moment, angry the next, and barely able to crack a smile.

I get these moments from time to time. My GP told me the other week that I am in control of all these feelings and I need to work harder at visualising and experiencing  positive feelings. He suggested that I  surround my self with positive family and friends.

When I feel like this I just want to be alone.

Obstacles

Their out there, in various forms. The triggers have been plentiful and ‘snap’ I take the bait every time.

I have scoffed my way through every cupboard and biscuit tin at home and at work, indulged in far too many glasses of vino and brandy to get me through the difficult times. Puddings, dont get me started on puddings – but Sticky Toffee pudding with cream in a 5 star restaurant was way too good to miss – ‘dumped’.

Totally fallen off the wagon, and promised myself to cut down the carbs this week. Going to London the weekend to meet some friends for a night out which will involve an all nighter pub crawl, possibly a nightclub.

I am not looking forward to it, but feel I should be ok once I get on my way. I need this weekend. I need a break and the chance to bond with the girls. Miss them.

So.. will have this time away, and catch up with my friends, no doubt have a few heart to hearts and shed a few tears over a few jars. Hoping to head back next week with a bit of my mojo back to tackle these obstacles.

 

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People I Love To Follow….


Hi All

🙂

From now on this will be my 2nd home after Twitter!

Follow me here and in return I would really really appreciate you email or WordPress user name so that I can send you invite and also follow you back.

Thank you so much

Chat soon

Mitzi x x

 

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