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Coventina – Purification


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I have no voice… Wasnt asked my opinion.. So I write.

Mitzi x

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Coventina – Purification


Its been a turbulent week.
Life sometimes throws nasty things at you that you can either let smash you straight in the face and totally knock you out or you can catch and run with it or you skillfully duck and let the bastard pass you by until it hits the next poor bugger.
I can guarantee ya one thing thou, that shits definately heading for someone else!!

Like I said, my week has been awful and got progressively worse by some one who I thought was a real friend. My Knight in shining armour… LOL how wrong was I…
This person used their armour to crush every positive belief system I have.
I couldnt breathe.
I felt helpless.
I hid myself away and cried way too much.
As my previous blog post said. …
‘I didnt see it coming’.

My recently started health regime soon spiralled outta control and for the last 4 days I have been eating and drinking my way through a rollercoaster of real bad emotions :-(.

I woke this morning and took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and I didnt like what I saw. My skin was spotty, blemished, my hair dull and brittle. I looked like fuck!!!

I sat back on the bed and reached for my Angel cards. Today I was dealt ‘Coventina’ a powerful Celtic goddess of the water. ‘Purification – it is time for a cleansing detoxification of your body and mind.’
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So what does this mean to me? I opened the guidebook on the selected page.

~ “Your vessels have become clogged by harsh chemicals, and the offending source is in your pysche.
You’ve been ignoring your bodies many signals and screams for relief of the steady ingestion of impurities.
Perhaps you’ve noticed a slump in your energy levels, and your degree of joy has lagged as well.
Make new arrangements. Keep a sharp focus on the contents of your mind. Choose purity and look forward to changes for the better.

Recommendation:
– Time to make some lifestyle changes
– Stop abusing alchohol or drugs
– Avoid processed foods such as sugar, white flour etc
– Eat more organic foods
– Keep your thought and speech positive
– Go on a fast or a detox diet
– Adopt a vegetarian or vegan diet.” ~

I sat on the bed to take on board what I just read. I took a good breathe in and breathed out all the negativity. Then hit the shower, washed and conditioned my hair and exfoliated. I scrubbed, rubbed, washed away all the negativity.
I know this sounds crazy but it was symbolic for me. My music played as I styled my hair, moisturised my skin and decided this is definately a new day.
I have alot to look forward to, I need to stay focussed, keep my thoughts positive and live my life for me.

Mitzi x

rouxenymitzi44

My world came crushing down today.

Each word tore into me like pieces of broken glass text after text…

I can barely breathe…

The pain wont stop…

I wasnt expecting this….

He said HE had to choose.

But I was never part of the discussions..

I thought everything was ok…

How stupid was I…

I wasnt expecting this…

Wake me up when the shards stop falling…

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Watch “Katy Perry – Wide Awake” on YouTube


 

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My world came crashing down today


My world came crushing down today.

Each word tore into me like pieces of broken glass text after text…

I can barely breathe…

The pain wont stop…

I wasnt expecting this….

He said HE had to choose.

But I was never part of the discussions..

I thought everything was ok…

How stupid was I…

I wasnt expecting this…

Wake me up when the shards stop falling…

 

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Adultery and a Toffee Apple Latte


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I have no idea how I want this to pan out. Or what I want from this. In the beginning all I wanted was someone to hold me and let me know that everything would be ok.
But soon I got more and more involved.
I fell in love with the man I was having an affair with…

Don’t judge me as you read. This is only a snap shot of 26 years in a relationship that was filled with love, so much love.. but things changed.

I am still living in my marital home. But NOT sharing the same bed, not for 7 years now. I see myself as separated until the divorce is sorted. He sees us as married and still a family…

I have had my moments of weakness and been errrr adulterous over the years, got involved in all sorts of fetishes, groups and stuff which was fun but not fullfilling. But about 2 years ago I met someone different.

We got on well. We are different in many ways, but share some similarities. We clicked. And sexually we bonded. Intimacy is very important to me ffs, not letting that one go.

But there’s a but. A huge one. As much as I love the intimacy the situation is not conducive. We live miles apart, he is happily married and we don’t see each other for months on end.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not reliant on a man, only for killing spiders and drilling hole, probs lifting something heavy. In my home I am the main earner and keep the family going, kids, bills etc. But what I am missing now is having someone to turn to everyday for ME.
Someone just for ME.. to kiss good morning when I rise and then good night before I zZzzzzzzzzzzzz, to come home to at the end of a long day to steal a hug from when I need it to be able to share my work day shit with. Just someone that will say ‘hey – Mitzi, how’s it going?’… or call me at work once in a while for a chat about stuff rather than ‘did you put the bin out and have you left the money to pay the window cleaner’.

I quite fancy a date night, and this time of year is always worse for me.

For the 3rd time this week I am sat in a coffee shop contemplating, reflecting.. I’m always bloody thinking…
Toffee Apple Latte almost gone
🙂
I don’t feel significantly great about my situation. It’s my own doing. But what I am trying to understand is where I fit. And I don’t think I fit into any equation.

We spoke yesterday, he thinks I am rejecting him because I have not contacted him much of late. It’s self preservation I think.

But, When the call ended I realised how much I miss him.

Still love him even though I am trying to stop that.
He makes me feel warmth just from a conversation and all I did was listen.

My  situation is very different. He has someone, I don’t.

I don’t go out looking, I chose to stick with him because I feel we have a strong connection and a good friendship. We have split before, but we lasted a week before starting to chat again.

Sometimes I ask myself what does he see in me?
Why does he meet me when he has everything he needs at home

I just wish I had that..

My Toffee Apple Latte has now gone …
Time to go home…..

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Posted by on 02/12/2011 in Uncategorized

 

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My only reason


The stares
The glares
The tense atmosphere
The silence
Apprehension
The attitude
The ignorance
Resentment
The anger
The calm before the storm
The shouting!!

In contrast.

The smiles
The warmth
Happy eyes looking up at me
The innocence
The hugs
The kisses
I missed you
Love you mum

My kids… my only reason

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