If a group of us sat and took time to look at this picture, and I mean really looked at this picture, we would all see different things…
So go on…
Give it a try right now…
Tell me what you see?
I am sure if you look long enough some of you may think it tells a story, some may find it triggers a distant memory .. and for some of you its just a picture right? What ever you see, its personal to you, its your vision, how you see it, no one elses.
So, each day following weight loss surgery is much of a muchness. I see the same people Monday-Friday more or less which does not present a problem. However, I find I am more nervous of meeting the ones I dont see that often. All sorts go through my head before, during and after we meet. What are they going to think? What are they going to say? What are they thinking now? Do they think I’ve changed?
This week I met up with a friend I have not seen for about 6 months. It was lovely to catch up but also a little nerve racking – FriendsWithBenefits* and boy did I need those benefits.
We had a lovely evening, went for a walk, enjoyed a meal and live music and headed back to the hotel quite late. Gulp! Thats when panic set in. I wanted to have a bath and go to bed and in order for me to do that I actually needed to get undressed…
I even made the point of buying myself a pair of new full length PJ’s to wear complete with hoodie. I did not want him to see me. The lbs are melting away but where the blubber has gone the skin remains, just hanging, you know, chilling out around my belly, arms, inner thighs, buttocks, chin – just waiting for my Lottery Numbers to come up and for me to go running off to the nearest ‘fully trained, reputable, registered and ever so competent, experienced plastic surgeon’. I wont even go there with the tits… I can now fold them like a Tortilla wrap and stuff them into my bra!!!
In Setember 2010 I fit the skin I was in, actually, let me rephrase that – I outsretched it just a little bit LOL ..
Anyway, things were going well, I had a lovely soak in the bath, got myself all cosey in bed trying to look all sultry and seductive drinking a cuppa tea.
Things started to warm up when he said those words ‘get on top’
I could of died…
Bless him, he didnt insist, he never would and I never raised it with him afterwards. We normally talk about everything… but I just pushed this under the carpet.
Because my weight loss surgery was ‘open’ my scar starts from my breast bone and ends at my belly button. Over the last 16 months it has become more and more keloid in its appearance. My abdomen has more stretch mark tram lines than a map of not just England, but the entire UK!
As I type, all the emotions come back. The brick walls I seem to be continually putting up are getting higher and higher. When I was heavier I was aware I was too big, and hated who was looking back at me in the mirror. Here I am at 16 months post op and I think I may actually be worse now than I was before… I know this is work in progress, and I am not saying I am not happy about the weight I have lost. Just wished that when I stand infront of the mirror in all my glory, I felt happier about what I saw; and maybe then, I wouldnt worry about what others see.
Happy in my own skin???
Think you know the answer to that one 🙂