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Category Archives: Weight loss surgery

~2012 A New Awakening~


Out With The Old in With The New!

I have been thinking abut this blog for a few weeks now, didnt want to go ahead and start making resos I wouldnt be able to keep.

Before I could go ahead and look at all the changes I want to make to my life I had to ask myself  – Who am I??? 

In no particular order: a mother, a sister, a daughter, a lover, a friend, I could go on but enough with the labelling. Who am I really?? Someone who really needs to stop hiding behind other peoples shadows and start to shine for myself.

In order to do this I am going to focus on positive changes in 2012 to make my life better, and decided to break them down into 3 categories.

  1. Health
  2. Marriage & Family
  3. Education

Health.

 Non-compliance is my middle name, and after staying roughly the same weight for the last 6 months its time to get this sorted. My weight loss journey is surely not over so feck knows why I’m sitting back.

This year I will be getting back on board with   www.myfitnesspal.com. I do so much better when I record everything I eat, drink and all the exercise I indulge in – why did I stop Zumba and Aqua?? :-(. The app on my phone works really well and is great when I am at work or out and about.

I need to start wearing my pedometer again to chart steps and miles walked, that keeps me motivated. Starting the   www.atkins.com induction again, when I did this for a week in early December it really helped me cut the crap I was eating and helped me shift some weight. The MyAtkins team on Twitter were really helpful.

Really gotta get back to walking more, I do enjoy exercise – all these things have lapsed in the run up to Christmas and I need to get motivated and work with this.

After having my kids my Roux en Y is one of the most life changing things that has  happened to me, its huge! But my behaviour and crap relationship with food particularly sugars continue to be a brick wall for me.

This is what I need to work with this year more than anything. ~ Courage.

Marriage & Family.

And breathe..

For those that dont know me personally I have been with the same guy 26 years, married 16. You may also not know that I have damn miserable for longer than I can remember. I dont love him anymore, we sleep in separate beds and we have not been intimate since 2004.  Last year I went to see a solicitor about getting a divorce – irreconsilable differences being the main reason. My solicitor left it with me to talk to my husband to get him to meet me half way to work out something mutual to help keep the costs down. I chose my moment carefully and was greeted with the same response I have had time and time again.

He aint having any of it’

He wont sell the house, he wont buy me out, he wont provide his financial statement, he says he wont be able to afford to live  HE WONT BE ABLE TO LIVE!! I decided to stop pleading, it has taken me months but I now have saved the money I need to pay the solicitor to deal with this through court. Financially this will cripple me paying all the additional solicitors fees, but I am left with no choice now. Final option.

My  children are my world and this process will not be easy on them but I will do my hardest to protect them through all of this.

At the begining of this blog I told you I have been asking myself the question ‘Who Am I’. To be 100% honest with you – I have absolutely NO IDEA!!

I dont think I will until all this pressure has been lifted ~ Strength.

Education.

In April 2011 I returned back to work to begin a job I was shifted into after my previous post was deleted amongst the craziness that is the NHS restructure.

I hate this job. I didnt choose to do it, I was shifted into it. Things have got better, but its not where I really want to be.

In May 2011 I was successful at interview and got a place on a 3 year Pyscotherapy Course. I am really enjoying it, but I am so struggling with the work life balance issues. I work full time, I have 2 kids and I have all the personal home and work issues going on. My Master Plan – a career change in 3 years. But I really need to raise my game if I am going to make this a reality and I am finding it tough going…

I have spoken to my Tutor, he knows the score, and has given me extra time with my late assignments.. I hope this will be enough ~ Self belief and confidence.

So where to start?

Sarting with the health tip from Monday 2nd January!

Will get back on the assignments this week!

This is the one I am dreading, but hanging on until next payday to secure extra funds then will be instructing my solicitor to start proceedings!!

Ultimately I have until this time next year to reflect back and put 2012 as a huge

Mitzi x x

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~ I said No Turkey for me thanks! ~


‘Merry Christmas Everyone’

Hope you are all enjoying the weekend 🙂

I have not written for a while so thought I would make the most of the time I have today and knock something up!

Christmas…. hmmmmmm… where shall I start with this one?

Are you sitting comfortably?

Yes?

Then I’ll begin 🙂

Do you like my tree? I am sat right next to it at the moment so took this lil picture. I am home alone this afternoon, and quite enjoying the peace and quiet and most of all the remote control is all mine mmuuaaahhhh. Only one problem, there’s shite on the TV.. ggrrrrr.

‘Blogger Time

When I was a little girl I loved our humble Christmas’s at home – my mum, dad, my 2 sisters and brother. We never had much and we were not exactly The Waltons but Christmas was centred around catholicism, the simple things and it was always a special time for all of us. We opened our gifts, and played with those until it was time for dinner. We had food, but it was never about feeding the 5,000!!

But then I met my husband… or should I say my husband and his family…

Every Christmas day we had to go to his parents. There was always so much food. Too much if the truth be known, not sure why as everyone in his family are super slim.

And then there was me!!

In the begining I was questioned at the dinner table about my size, what I ate, have I always been big, did I like eat alot of cream cakes (hate cream cakes!) 😦

After that moment I never really looked forward to any family occassion there. My mother in law always laid the table with all the food so we could help ourselves but when everyone had eaten what was on their plate and there was still food in the serving dishes it was always me that everyone would look at when the much dreaded words came out of her mouth.

‘More Turkey Mitzi’?

‘Brussel sprout? roast potatoe? stuffing? parsnips? trifle? mince pie???? aaaarrrggghhhhhhhh

I get it, yeah the token fat person has to be the sweeper upper.

If ever I said no I didnt want anything ‘no thank you’ it was like the reverse of that scene from Oliver Twist!!

‘Nooooo?? – what do you mean you dont want anymore?’

Nobody else had this fuckin’ pressure!!

4 years ago I decided not to do the extended Family Christmas anymore. Things had progressed. His parents were now divorced but it never ended. Now remarried we were all expected to do Christmas day at his mothers then Christmas Day again at his fathers on Boxing Day! So I have to sit and go through this twice…. god help me :-/ and always the late buffet with white bread rolls filled with butter, thick slabs of cheeses, meats, pork pies, trifles more damn trifles, cakes, vol- ou- fuking vaints, sausage rolls and the rest… and chocolates… Eat Mitzi Eat Mitzi Eat Eat Eat…I love chocolate but how can one enjoy it when ones already eaten so fucking much!!

(huge sigh..)

Time for Change’

Now I spend more time with my sister and brother over the festivities. They are both younger and both single and would normally spend time with their friends. Some years we go traditional, others we have what we fancie, we just chill, talk, drink, laugh and spend quality time together.

As the eldest I feel I have neglected them at this time of year to keep my extended family happy..

It never goes down very well year in year out, but I am happier this way. Last year I was 3 months post op and didnt need the drama as I was vomitting at every move I made. This year me and my siblings went out for our Christmas Dinner on the evening of the 19th December. I brought my kids along with me and we had a fantastic night. I actually ordered 3 course, paced myself and enjoyed it. I hope this slide show works. I shared the wings, had a quarter of my main meal and ate alllll the desert with no ill effects (still got my sweet tooth) and had a few sips of the non alchoholic cocktail which was yummy.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Oooops think thats enough rambling, I’m headed to the kitchen to rustle myself up something to eat.

Hope your all enjoying yourselves and have eaten your protein and not had too many carbs today, and oh

PS: Dont forget ya vitamins. 🙂

Mitzi x x

 

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The Man Diet!


Talk about unrealistic.
I don’t think this has been SMART assessed, do you???? Hahaa 🙂

How many of us set goals on a daily basis, or at regular key points in our lives?

Before I started my weight loss journey I did not predict a target weight.

I just wanted to get rid of the excess wobble and some.

But now 90lb down and with ‘Onederland‘ within my reach, I think I need to set a target.

So.. here it goes…

Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic
Timely

Specific – I don’t wanna be too specific about this to be honest! That’s where paranoia sets in and I’m already on crazy pills so don’t need anymore pressure!

Measurable – I do love my scales but thanks to the wise words of one of my Tweeps RNYgirl I am trying to look more at my NSG’s to save on the weekly disappointments…
The 25th October 2011 was my 1st anniversary… I jumped on the scales and a huge black cloud hovered over me…

I felt a failure… 😦

Why wasnt I like everyone else? I wanted to lose a hell of a lot more….
After a week of sulking and hiding away I chatted with my support networks on Twitter and also had my review with my Bariatric Surgeon who reassured me that everything was ok.
The body plateaus then kick starts again but the lifestyle and combined behaviour changes need to continue to maintain the weightloss.
Note to self – STOP COMPARING MYSELF WITH OTHERS!!!

Achievable – At 3 months post op I set myself a ‘guesstamate‘ target to weigh 140lb by June 2012.
I had no idea what that would look like, but I’m hoping to check it out in time!

Realistic – I am now 204lb, so I have a lot of work to do. But do you know what? There’s no pressure. I am cool with where I am. Just need to tip the balance away from the plus size range a bit more so I can comfortable fit into some funky stuff cause I am and will always be a Fashionista
:-)))))

Timely – I have learnt that I am not going to get obsessed about this. The benefits are evident. I feel great in comparison to where I was 18 months ago and that means the world to me.

So I tried The Man Diet – (not by choice I hasten to add, I’m on rashions LOL)

I’m still stuck in that stall …
Time to get back to ditching the carbs… it worked a few weeks ago.

Huge thanks to the #Atkins Crew 🙂 x

Question for you all

Pre or post weight loss surgery – do you set yourself goals?
Mitzi x,

 

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Compliments!!


I came out of a room into the corridor at work today when this voice behind me said ‘you dont half look small from the back Mitzi!’

It was one of the staff Jules. She complimented me on how good I was looking and asked me what size clothes I was wearing and how much I weighed now. When I told her she was like, ‘your catching me up girl, if you lose anymore I’m gona have to go on a diet’  she gave me a huge hug and then we went for lunch to share some of the  pumpkin soup one of the other girls had made 🙂

Really made me beam, gota learn to do that more.

Its funny though, when compliments come my way I still struggle with them.

After years of being big I still see a big person looking back at me in the mirror.

Only took a few words but Jules brought some sunshine into a week of high blood pressure and constant headaches.

Mitzi x

 

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Fat Friends


Within my close circle of BBW (Big Beautiful Women) friends I am the one that has taken steps to address my weight issues and have weight loss surgery.

I confided in 2 of them prior to my operation as I did not want to be judged!

It must of been the shock!
The response was a real mixed bag ranging from
‘oh, you can die from that.
‘ you don’t need it doing.’
‘ your not big’
‘ your cheating’
‘ its not for me that!!’.
To list just a few.

I am now 13 months post op and its lovely to get the compliments as my friends see the ‘Heffa’ transforming.
But each time we meet I dread the conversations because I don’t really want to talk about my journey with them.

I know its not for them and I don’t really want to force the issue. They don’t really understand because they are ‘apparently’ happy with their size and don’t want to make any lifestyle changes.

So Saturday, the booze is flowing,

BTW I have a new love for Vodka! 🙂
.
Anyway, we’re gassing and one of the girls is like
‘ I can’t believe you have lost all that weight and you don’t have any wrinkles on your face?’
Wanna see wrinkles – I showed her my tits!! Stopped short of showing her my inner thighs and bingo wings thou – public place en all.

Then there’s the awkward moment when someone says
‘ the problem with people that have WLS is.. I don’t mean you Mitz..
ooooops.

It’s not the same anymore….

The conversation then gets a bit tense … And I start to feel increasingly conscious of the fact that no longer am I the biggest in the pack anymore but indeed the smallest…

Cheesy Grin :-D!!

Then I feel guilty!!

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Obstacles…


Its been a crazy few weeks for me. I really have no idea whether I am coming or going. Everything just seems to be a complete mess, my nerves are on edge, I am close to tears one moment, angry the next, and barely able to crack a smile.

I get these moments from time to time. My GP told me the other week that I am in control of all these feelings and I need to work harder at visualising and experiencing  positive feelings. He suggested that I  surround my self with positive family and friends.

When I feel like this I just want to be alone.

Obstacles

Their out there, in various forms. The triggers have been plentiful and ‘snap’ I take the bait every time.

I have scoffed my way through every cupboard and biscuit tin at home and at work, indulged in far too many glasses of vino and brandy to get me through the difficult times. Puddings, dont get me started on puddings – but Sticky Toffee pudding with cream in a 5 star restaurant was way too good to miss – ‘dumped’.

Totally fallen off the wagon, and promised myself to cut down the carbs this week. Going to London the weekend to meet some friends for a night out which will involve an all nighter pub crawl, possibly a nightclub.

I am not looking forward to it, but feel I should be ok once I get on my way. I need this weekend. I need a break and the chance to bond with the girls. Miss them.

So.. will have this time away, and catch up with my friends, no doubt have a few heart to hearts and shed a few tears over a few jars. Hoping to head back next week with a bit of my mojo back to tackle these obstacles.

 

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People I Love To Follow….


Hi All

🙂

From now on this will be my 2nd home after Twitter!

Follow me here and in return I would really really appreciate you email or WordPress user name so that I can send you invite and also follow you back.

Thank you so much

Chat soon

Mitzi x x

 

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