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In a few weeks from now it will be a year since I last attended my weekly Zumba class or attended AquaTone.
Actually writing that sentence above fills me with great sadness…
Post weight loss surgery exercise was a fundemental driving force for improving my overall fitness. I was focussed and committed as I continued to lose those pounds and as a result I felt GRREAT!!
However, Zumba stopped for the summer holiday. I tried a session elsewhere and didnt like it. I was use to my Zumba teacher, loved the music, her style, the way she kept us motivated with her smile and cracking sense of humour. I decided to wait until September for her return but as you guessed it.. I never went back.
So here I am. I have joined http://www.puregym.com. Completed my induction with one of the trainers this week and boy I really struggled :-(.
My plan is to build up my level of fitness and kick start my weight loss. They offer a vast number of studio classes including Zumba and there is an extensive variety of exercise equipment to chose from. Most importantly they open 24/7 so I can fit exercise into any part of my busy life style. I have booked myself in to start a 6 week programme called PureLoser, it starts on the 30th July.
So here it goes….
“I can do this!”
The email I have been waiting for came this week!
‘Please ring my office and book a date and time to meet to discuss your divorce proceeding’s’
I have finally saved enough money to get the ball moving.
Appointment 6th March!
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Written 7th May 2011
Just me and my nutty son at home today, his sisters off at Alton Towers for the day with the school, 400 pupils – Teachers Nightmare I suspect. Just got in from getting his birthday cake as its his birthday tomorrow. Presents all wrapped and in hiding I have been remembering this weekend 8 years ago being fingered, prodded and poked all for the sake of getting the expected 11lb-der out.
My planned water birth was thrown out the window as the consultant warned me of the pending complication of shoulder dystocia. The Prostin Gels didnt work even after the extra dose, not a twinge was felt. He wasnt ready to come out thank you very much!!
That was until the oncall consultant appeared with the threat of casearian section if nothing happened in the next 4 hours, and said he wanted to examine me. I took one look at his hands and declined. My midwife did the honours, and struggled to break my waters, I was barely 1 cm dilated. She started the Syntocinon infusion and within no time at all the contractions started, and never let up. My friend Entonox stayed with me all the time from that very moment, how I loved you my woozey headed friend. But this wasnt right, I wasnt getting a break, the bastards just kept coming and coming. Hubbi went off for a fag and a cuppa, the Midwife went off to do her notes and suddenly I had the urge to push, and was pushing and had no control over it, but with my legs crossed due to the fear of the pending 11lb-der.. I couldnt reach the buzzer due to the insulin infusion in one hand and fluids in the other and monitor strapping me to the bed to monitor my baby elephant.
Ok, I am panicking now.. I am having this baby on my own when suddenly the door opens and my Midwife walks back in – ‘Mitzi, are you pushing???’
I couldnt get my words out, just nodded my head.
She asked if she could have a look, but I could not uncross my legs, all I remember was her shouting ‘OPEN YOUR LEGS MITZI I THINK YOUR BABIES COMING’ as she rushed to get a glove on, the emergency buzzer goes off, there’s other Midwives in as back up, delivery packs are flying open, my legs opened and with one gloved hand she supported his head, then body as he shot out she caught him just as his dad walked back into the room!!
From crotch to chest, there he was in skin-to-skin, I took one look and fell in love, nobody can prepare you for that moment when you first hold them in your arms. Resting on my breasts looking at me, eyes wide open with a wtf look on his face, not dissimilar to the look I get when I say get up its time to get ready for school haha. He cried for like a second, and just looked at me like hey I know you :-).
The hardest 3 hours work av ever done, I escaped the caesarian section but split my difference good and proper instead, never been the same since in that department, but ya cant have it all can ya – I am blessed with a lovingly adorable son who was not the 11lb-der they expected but 8lb 14, I could of spent 3 more weeks at home with my feet up waiting for him to come when HE was ready lol.
It was lovely t see the same Midwives that I had met 5 years before when I had my daughter, and I am to this day greatful for their help and support.
The gift of life is a truely magical thing, the luck of being blessed with babies when many women struggle to concieve I never take for granted. There are moments when betwen the two of them they make me want to run for the hills when they have more attitude than I do, but… I would be lost without them
I have no idea how I want this to pan out. Or what I want from this. In the beginning all I wanted was someone to hold me and let me know that everything would be ok.
But soon I got more and more involved.
I fell in love with the man I was having an affair with…
Don’t judge me as you read. This is only a snap shot of 26 years in a relationship that was filled with love, so much love.. but things changed.
I am still living in my marital home. But NOT sharing the same bed, not for 7 years now. I see myself as separated until the divorce is sorted. He sees us as married and still a family…
I have had my moments of weakness and been errrr adulterous over the years, got involved in all sorts of fetishes, groups and stuff which was fun but not fullfilling. But about 2 years ago I met someone different.
We got on well. We are different in many ways, but share some similarities. We clicked. And sexually we bonded. Intimacy is very important to me ffs, not letting that one go.
But there’s a but. A huge one. As much as I love the intimacy the situation is not conducive. We live miles apart, he is happily married and we don’t see each other for months on end.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not reliant on a man, only for killing spiders and drilling hole, probs lifting something heavy. In my home I am the main earner and keep the family going, kids, bills etc. But what I am missing now is having someone to turn to everyday for ME.
Someone just for ME.. to kiss good morning when I rise and then good night before I zZzzzzzzzzzzzz, to come home to at the end of a long day to steal a hug from when I need it to be able to share my work day shit with. Just someone that will say ‘hey – Mitzi, how’s it going?’… or call me at work once in a while for a chat about stuff rather than ‘did you put the bin out and have you left the money to pay the window cleaner’.
I quite fancy a date night, and this time of year is always worse for me.
For the 3rd time this week I am sat in a coffee shop contemplating, reflecting.. I’m always bloody thinking…
Toffee Apple Latte almost gone
I don’t feel significantly great about my situation. It’s my own doing. But what I am trying to understand is where I fit. And I don’t think I fit into any equation.
We spoke yesterday, he thinks I am rejecting him because I have not contacted him much of late. It’s self preservation I think.
But, When the call ended I realised how much I miss him.
Still love him even though I am trying to stop that.
He makes me feel warmth just from a conversation and all I did was listen.
My situation is very different. He has someone, I don’t.
I don’t go out looking, I chose to stick with him because I feel we have a strong connection and a good friendship. We have split before, but we lasted a week before starting to chat again.
Sometimes I ask myself what does he see in me?
Why does he meet me when he has everything he needs at home
I just wish I had that..
My Toffee Apple Latte has now gone …
Time to go home…..
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Just some of the things that kept me going this week.
Next week will be difficult as I am away on business for 3 days, but will work with this as the results are looking good
Mitzi 🙂 x x