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Coventina – Purification


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I have no voice… Wasnt asked my opinion.. So I write.

Mitzi x

 

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Coventina – Purification


Its been a turbulent week.
Life sometimes throws nasty things at you that you can either let smash you straight in the face and totally knock you out or you can catch and run with it or you skillfully duck and let the bastard pass you by until it hits the next poor bugger.
I can guarantee ya one thing thou, that shits definately heading for someone else!!

Like I said, my week has been awful and got progressively worse by some one who I thought was a real friend. My Knight in shining armour… LOL how wrong was I…
This person used their armour to crush every positive belief system I have.
I couldnt breathe.
I felt helpless.
I hid myself away and cried way too much.
As my previous blog post said. …
‘I didnt see it coming’.

My recently started health regime soon spiralled outta control and for the last 4 days I have been eating and drinking my way through a rollercoaster of real bad emotions :-(.

I woke this morning and took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and I didnt like what I saw. My skin was spotty, blemished, my hair dull and brittle. I looked like fuck!!!

I sat back on the bed and reached for my Angel cards. Today I was dealt ‘Coventina’ a powerful Celtic goddess of the water. ‘Purification – it is time for a cleansing detoxification of your body and mind.’
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So what does this mean to me? I opened the guidebook on the selected page.

~ “Your vessels have become clogged by harsh chemicals, and the offending source is in your pysche.
You’ve been ignoring your bodies many signals and screams for relief of the steady ingestion of impurities.
Perhaps you’ve noticed a slump in your energy levels, and your degree of joy has lagged as well.
Make new arrangements. Keep a sharp focus on the contents of your mind. Choose purity and look forward to changes for the better.

Recommendation:
– Time to make some lifestyle changes
– Stop abusing alchohol or drugs
– Avoid processed foods such as sugar, white flour etc
– Eat more organic foods
– Keep your thought and speech positive
– Go on a fast or a detox diet
– Adopt a vegetarian or vegan diet.” ~

I sat on the bed to take on board what I just read. I took a good breathe in and breathed out all the negativity. Then hit the shower, washed and conditioned my hair and exfoliated. I scrubbed, rubbed, washed away all the negativity.
I know this sounds crazy but it was symbolic for me. My music played as I styled my hair, moisturised my skin and decided this is definately a new day.
I have alot to look forward to, I need to stay focussed, keep my thoughts positive and live my life for me.

Mitzi x

rouxenymitzi44

My world came crushing down today.

Each word tore into me like pieces of broken glass text after text…

I can barely breathe…

The pain wont stop…

I wasnt expecting this….

He said HE had to choose.

But I was never part of the discussions..

I thought everything was ok…

How stupid was I…

I wasnt expecting this…

Wake me up when the shards stop falling…

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Watch “Katy Perry – Wide Awake” on YouTube


 

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My world came crashing down today


My world came crushing down today.

Each word tore into me like pieces of broken glass text after text…

I can barely breathe…

The pain wont stop…

I wasnt expecting this….

He said HE had to choose.

But I was never part of the discussions..

I thought everything was ok…

How stupid was I…

I wasnt expecting this…

Wake me up when the shards stop falling…

 

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The initial consultation – Divorce


So nervous I arrived 15 minutes early. My solicitor had not come into the office yet for the day so I was showed to a small empty office to wait. I felt physically sick with anxiety.
I waited for what felt like a decade until 10.30 arrived.

She was younger than I remembered, but remained pleasant, very clear and direct. She discussed my case with me, we talked about how things have been over the last year, discussed my options and suggested plan then she printed some paperwork for me to read in the meantime.

She advised that I wait for her letters to summarize our discussions. But basically the wheels are in motion to get my divorce.

‘Unreasonable behaviour’

I kinda felt strange when I left. I felt like I had betrayed him… When you marry you marry for life. But when the man you were so inlove with for years and years suddenly becomes the man you cant bare to be in the same room with. Some things gotta give. 
I have left it long enough as it is!

Mitzi x

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In a bad place…


It’s been a while since I have blogged myself, but have been trying my best to keep up with what others have written.
Not been feeling it really…
Not for a long while….

Not been feeling myself at all. Work. Family life. Personal issues and the ongoing matrimonial breakdown continues.

Since the new year, this wonderful year, I have felt nothing but restraint and control.

So..

I’m just gona ramble now.. cause that’s what I do best.

Old habits die hard..

Withdraw.

Seek comfort in food – and not the healthy kind…

Once it starts.. I struggle to stop it.

I have in a month put on 7lb in weight, I have stopped tracking on myfitnesspal, my vitamintrain is Fucked, I am all spotty and the condition of my hair is piss poor.

Every week I plan, but never stick to it.

I lasted half a day on the 5 Day Pouch Test!!

I’m in a bad place…

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~2012 A New Awakening~


Out With The Old in With The New!

I have been thinking abut this blog for a few weeks now, didnt want to go ahead and start making resos I wouldnt be able to keep.

Before I could go ahead and look at all the changes I want to make to my life I had to ask myself  – Who am I??? 

In no particular order: a mother, a sister, a daughter, a lover, a friend, I could go on but enough with the labelling. Who am I really?? Someone who really needs to stop hiding behind other peoples shadows and start to shine for myself.

In order to do this I am going to focus on positive changes in 2012 to make my life better, and decided to break them down into 3 categories.

  1. Health
  2. Marriage & Family
  3. Education

Health.

 Non-compliance is my middle name, and after staying roughly the same weight for the last 6 months its time to get this sorted. My weight loss journey is surely not over so feck knows why I’m sitting back.

This year I will be getting back on board with   www.myfitnesspal.com. I do so much better when I record everything I eat, drink and all the exercise I indulge in – why did I stop Zumba and Aqua?? :-(. The app on my phone works really well and is great when I am at work or out and about.

I need to start wearing my pedometer again to chart steps and miles walked, that keeps me motivated. Starting the   www.atkins.com induction again, when I did this for a week in early December it really helped me cut the crap I was eating and helped me shift some weight. The MyAtkins team on Twitter were really helpful.

Really gotta get back to walking more, I do enjoy exercise – all these things have lapsed in the run up to Christmas and I need to get motivated and work with this.

After having my kids my Roux en Y is one of the most life changing things that has  happened to me, its huge! But my behaviour and crap relationship with food particularly sugars continue to be a brick wall for me.

This is what I need to work with this year more than anything. ~ Courage.

Marriage & Family.

And breathe..

For those that dont know me personally I have been with the same guy 26 years, married 16. You may also not know that I have damn miserable for longer than I can remember. I dont love him anymore, we sleep in separate beds and we have not been intimate since 2004.  Last year I went to see a solicitor about getting a divorce – irreconsilable differences being the main reason. My solicitor left it with me to talk to my husband to get him to meet me half way to work out something mutual to help keep the costs down. I chose my moment carefully and was greeted with the same response I have had time and time again.

He aint having any of it’

He wont sell the house, he wont buy me out, he wont provide his financial statement, he says he wont be able to afford to live  HE WONT BE ABLE TO LIVE!! I decided to stop pleading, it has taken me months but I now have saved the money I need to pay the solicitor to deal with this through court. Financially this will cripple me paying all the additional solicitors fees, but I am left with no choice now. Final option.

My  children are my world and this process will not be easy on them but I will do my hardest to protect them through all of this.

At the begining of this blog I told you I have been asking myself the question ‘Who Am I’. To be 100% honest with you – I have absolutely NO IDEA!!

I dont think I will until all this pressure has been lifted ~ Strength.

Education.

In April 2011 I returned back to work to begin a job I was shifted into after my previous post was deleted amongst the craziness that is the NHS restructure.

I hate this job. I didnt choose to do it, I was shifted into it. Things have got better, but its not where I really want to be.

In May 2011 I was successful at interview and got a place on a 3 year Pyscotherapy Course. I am really enjoying it, but I am so struggling with the work life balance issues. I work full time, I have 2 kids and I have all the personal home and work issues going on. My Master Plan – a career change in 3 years. But I really need to raise my game if I am going to make this a reality and I am finding it tough going…

I have spoken to my Tutor, he knows the score, and has given me extra time with my late assignments.. I hope this will be enough ~ Self belief and confidence.

So where to start?

Sarting with the health tip from Monday 2nd January!

Will get back on the assignments this week!

This is the one I am dreading, but hanging on until next payday to secure extra funds then will be instructing my solicitor to start proceedings!!

Ultimately I have until this time next year to reflect back and put 2012 as a huge

Mitzi x x

 

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