Category Archives: Just cause
Friday 10th August
It has been 8 months since my last review so I was looking forward to this one.
The Nurse showed me in to see one of the Bariatric Consultants who warmly greeted me with ‘Hello, I havent seen you for ages!’ The reality was; I have never seen him before in my life, but I have heard his name mentioned a few times. I didnt ruin it for him, just went along with it lol.
(Main reception at Walsall Manor Hospital)
He was reading through my notes as he asked me how things were going. After a lengthy discussion the areas of concerns were:
1. I have gained 14lb in 6 months
2. I am eating alot of the wrong foods
3. My blood results show anaemia that needs to be treated and raised liver function tests due to my gall stones.
The day I checked in at the pre op Weight Management Clinic I was 23 stone. I was given the target to gradually reduce my weight whilst I waited for my surgery date. I was on the waiting list for over a year, during that time I maintained my quartely reviews, saw the pyschiatric consultant, who confirmed I was NOT mad (LOL), the anaethetist and encouraged to eat healthily by the Dietician to continue to lose the weight.
I was fortunate.
14 months later my big day had arrived.
Day of surgery: 25th October 2010 – Weight 137kg/21st8lb/302lb
Today: 10th August 2012 – Weight 96kg/15st1lb/211.6lb
Although he was happy with my initial loss he was not happy with my recent regain… We had some discussions around ways of working with my grazing, emotional eating and head hunger. He wanted to know what personal issues have caused my recent stress and anxieties but I chose not to discuss them as my daughter was with me…
I have tried everything. Nothing works, I know its down to me. He prescribed Celevac 500mg. I have to take a tablet with a glass of water at least 30 minutes before each meal, it is meant to bulk me out so I eat less. He said there isnt much research behind its use but it has worked for some post op gastric bypassers. I am willing to try anything, so I have a 3 month script.
My bloods were not repeated today but he felt I would need to be booked to have my gall bladder removed soon if my bloods remain unstable or if I get an acute episode of epigastric pain :-(.
He has given me the target to lose at least 14lb in 3 months, so when I go back in November I should be a stone lighter. I never did get to Onederland. But now the Bariatric Surgeon has set me this target. I have to achieve it. I have to get rid of the regain and some.
My BMI is still high so I do have to keep working on this. I dare not mention plastics until I can prove to myself I am worthy. But now with this gall stones issue looming…..
My weight loss surgery journey continues and boy what a ride.
Tuesday 6th August 2012
Walking through a small town not far from home today when I noticed a mobile offering Diabetes assessments.
I am not diabetic but 9 years ago I had Gestational Diabetes and had to inject myself with insulin twice a day for the last 3 months of my pregnancy.
After my son was born it disappeared but I was warned I would be of increased risk of developing diabetes in later life.
I approached one of the health workers, its was free and not the Embarrassing Bodies so I felt comfortable as I walked into the marquee.
Once inside I spoke to 2 members of staff. I completed the consent forms then had my height, weight, BMI and waist measured.
Height – 168cm
Weight – 95.6kg
Waist – 44
BMI – 33.9
As a result I found out that I have a 1:14 chance of developing diabetes.
Oh joy. I now have a letter for my GP to be monitored and have bloods done for Random Blood Sugars and lots of leaflets for DIABETES UK to read.
My weightloss surgery and the weight I have lost surely has made a difference here. But with a strong family history (my dad) and the ethnicity factor (black or south asian) along with my age, weight, expanding waistline I just need to make sure everything is ok.
I have a few WLS friends who have found their diabetes disappeared once their weight shifted post op. Amazing!
Will discuss with the Practice Nurse next time I attend.
I have no voice… Wasnt asked my opinion.. So I write.
Its been a turbulent week.
Life sometimes throws nasty things at you that you can either let smash you straight in the face and totally knock you out or you can catch and run with it or you skillfully duck and let the bastard pass you by until it hits the next poor bugger.
I can guarantee ya one thing thou, that shits definately heading for someone else!!
Like I said, my week has been awful and got progressively worse by some one who I thought was a real friend. My Knight in shining armour… LOL how wrong was I…
This person used their armour to crush every positive belief system I have.
I couldnt breathe.
I felt helpless.
I hid myself away and cried way too much.
As my previous blog post said. …
‘I didnt see it coming’.
My recently started health regime soon spiralled outta control and for the last 4 days I have been eating and drinking my way through a rollercoaster of real bad emotions :-(.
I woke this morning and took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and I didnt like what I saw. My skin was spotty, blemished, my hair dull and brittle. I looked like fuck!!!
I sat back on the bed and reached for my Angel cards. Today I was dealt ‘Coventina’ a powerful Celtic goddess of the water. ‘Purification – it is time for a cleansing detoxification of your body and mind.’
So what does this mean to me? I opened the guidebook on the selected page.
~ “Your vessels have become clogged by harsh chemicals, and the offending source is in your pysche.
You’ve been ignoring your bodies many signals and screams for relief of the steady ingestion of impurities.
Perhaps you’ve noticed a slump in your energy levels, and your degree of joy has lagged as well.
Make new arrangements. Keep a sharp focus on the contents of your mind. Choose purity and look forward to changes for the better.
– Time to make some lifestyle changes
– Stop abusing alchohol or drugs
– Avoid processed foods such as sugar, white flour etc
– Eat more organic foods
– Keep your thought and speech positive
– Go on a fast or a detox diet
– Adopt a vegetarian or vegan diet.” ~
I sat on the bed to take on board what I just read. I took a good breathe in and breathed out all the negativity. Then hit the shower, washed and conditioned my hair and exfoliated. I scrubbed, rubbed, washed away all the negativity.
I know this sounds crazy but it was symbolic for me. My music played as I styled my hair, moisturised my skin and decided this is definately a new day.
I have alot to look forward to, I need to stay focussed, keep my thoughts positive and live my life for me.
My world came crushing down today.
Each word tore into me like pieces of broken glass text after text…
I can barely breathe…
The pain wont stop…
I wasnt expecting this….
He said HE had to choose.
But I was never part of the discussions..
I thought everything was ok…
How stupid was I…
I wasnt expecting this…
Wake me up when the shards stop falling…