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Monthly Archives: December 2011
I won’t say to much on this one…. Don’t think it needs much explanation really…
Suppose some of you might be asking yourself ‘why??’
Answer – because I want to!!
This comes under my category ‘and other stuff’ and comes with a WARNING.
‘Switch off if easily offended!’
You have been warned..
Here it goes….
‘I just wanted to share the fact that I really really love oral sex!! ‘
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‘Merry Christmas Everyone’
Hope you are all enjoying the weekend 🙂
I have not written for a while so thought I would make the most of the time I have today and knock something up!
Christmas…. hmmmmmm… where shall I start with this one?
Are you sitting comfortably?
Then I’ll begin 🙂
Do you like my tree? I am sat right next to it at the moment so took this lil picture. I am home alone this afternoon, and quite enjoying the peace and quiet and most of all the remote control is all mine mmuuaaahhhh. Only one problem, there’s shite on the TV.. ggrrrrr.
When I was a little girl I loved our humble Christmas’s at home – my mum, dad, my 2 sisters and brother. We never had much and we were not exactly The Waltons but Christmas was centred around catholicism, the simple things and it was always a special time for all of us. We opened our gifts, and played with those until it was time for dinner. We had food, but it was never about feeding the 5,000!!
But then I met my husband… or should I say my husband and his family…
Every Christmas day we had to go to his parents. There was always so much food. Too much if the truth be known, not sure why as everyone in his family are super slim.
And then there was me!!
In the begining I was questioned at the dinner table about my size, what I ate, have I always been big, did I like eat alot of cream cakes (hate cream cakes!) 😦
After that moment I never really looked forward to any family occassion there. My mother in law always laid the table with all the food so we could help ourselves but when everyone had eaten what was on their plate and there was still food in the serving dishes it was always me that everyone would look at when the much dreaded words came out of her mouth.
‘More Turkey Mitzi’?
‘Brussel sprout? roast potatoe? stuffing? parsnips? trifle? mince pie???? aaaarrrggghhhhhhhh
I get it, yeah the token fat person has to be the sweeper upper.
If ever I said no I didnt want anything ‘no thank you’ it was like the reverse of that scene from Oliver Twist!!
‘Nooooo?? – what do you mean you dont want anymore?’
Nobody else had this fuckin’ pressure!!
4 years ago I decided not to do the extended Family Christmas anymore. Things had progressed. His parents were now divorced but it never ended. Now remarried we were all expected to do Christmas day at his mothers then Christmas Day again at his fathers on Boxing Day! So I have to sit and go through this twice…. god help me and always the late buffet with white bread rolls filled with butter, thick slabs of cheeses, meats, pork pies, trifles more damn trifles, cakes, vol- ou- fuking vaints, sausage rolls and the rest… and chocolates… Eat Mitzi Eat Mitzi Eat Eat Eat…I love chocolate but how can one enjoy it when ones already eaten so fucking much!!
Time for Change’
Now I spend more time with my sister and brother over the festivities. They are both younger and both single and would normally spend time with their friends. Some years we go traditional, others we have what we fancie, we just chill, talk, drink, laugh and spend quality time together.
As the eldest I feel I have neglected them at this time of year to keep my extended family happy..
It never goes down very well year in year out, but I am happier this way. Last year I was 3 months post op and didnt need the drama as I was vomitting at every move I made. This year me and my siblings went out for our Christmas Dinner on the evening of the 19th December. I brought my kids along with me and we had a fantastic night. I actually ordered 3 course, paced myself and enjoyed it. I hope this slide show works. I shared the wings, had a quarter of my main meal and ate alllll the desert with no ill effects (still got my sweet tooth) and had a few sips of the non alchoholic cocktail which was yummy.
Oooops think thats enough rambling, I’m headed to the kitchen to rustle myself up something to eat.
Hope your all enjoying yourselves and have eaten your protein and not had too many carbs today, and oh
PS: Dont forget ya vitamins. 🙂
Mitzi x x
Talk about unrealistic.
I don’t think this has been SMART assessed, do you???? Hahaa 🙂
How many of us set goals on a daily basis, or at regular key points in our lives?
Before I started my weight loss journey I did not predict a target weight.
I just wanted to get rid of the excess wobble and some.
But now 90lb down and with ‘Onederland‘ within my reach, I think I need to set a target.
So.. here it goes…
Specific – I don’t wanna be too specific about this to be honest! That’s where paranoia sets in and I’m already on crazy pills so don’t need anymore pressure!
Measurable – I do love my scales but thanks to the wise words of one of my Tweeps RNYgirl I am trying to look more at my NSG’s to save on the weekly disappointments…
The 25th October 2011 was my 1st anniversary… I jumped on the scales and a huge black cloud hovered over me…
I felt a failure… 😦
Why wasnt I like everyone else? I wanted to lose a hell of a lot more….
After a week of sulking and hiding away I chatted with my support networks on Twitter and also had my review with my Bariatric Surgeon who reassured me that everything was ok.
The body plateaus then kick starts again but the lifestyle and combined behaviour changes need to continue to maintain the weightloss.
Note to self – STOP COMPARING MYSELF WITH OTHERS!!!
Achievable – At 3 months post op I set myself a ‘guesstamate‘ target to weigh 140lb by June 2012.
I had no idea what that would look like, but I’m hoping to check it out in time!
Realistic – I am now 204lb, so I have a lot of work to do. But do you know what? There’s no pressure. I am cool with where I am. Just need to tip the balance away from the plus size range a bit more so I can comfortable fit into some funky stuff cause I am and will always be a Fashionista
Timely – I have learnt that I am not going to get obsessed about this. The benefits are evident. I feel great in comparison to where I was 18 months ago and that means the world to me.
So I tried The Man Diet – (not by choice I hasten to add, I’m on rashions LOL)
I’m still stuck in that stall …
Time to get back to ditching the carbs… it worked a few weeks ago.
Huge thanks to the #Atkins Crew 🙂 x
Question for you all
Pre or post weight loss surgery – do you set yourself goals?
I came out of a room into the corridor at work today when this voice behind me said ‘you dont half look small from the back Mitzi!’
It was one of the staff Jules. She complimented me on how good I was looking and asked me what size clothes I was wearing and how much I weighed now. When I told her she was like, ‘your catching me up girl, if you lose anymore I’m gona have to go on a diet’ she gave me a huge hug and then we went for lunch to share some of the pumpkin soup one of the other girls had made 🙂
Really made me beam, gota learn to do that more.
Its funny though, when compliments come my way I still struggle with them.
After years of being big I still see a big person looking back at me in the mirror.
Only took a few words but Jules brought some sunshine into a week of high blood pressure and constant headaches.
Within my close circle of BBW (Big Beautiful Women) friends I am the one that has taken steps to address my weight issues and have weight loss surgery.
I confided in 2 of them prior to my operation as I did not want to be judged!
It must of been the shock!
The response was a real mixed bag ranging from
‘oh, you can die from that.
‘ you don’t need it doing.’
‘ your not big’
‘ your cheating’
‘ its not for me that!!’.
To list just a few.
I am now 13 months post op and its lovely to get the compliments as my friends see the ‘Heffa’ transforming.
But each time we meet I dread the conversations because I don’t really want to talk about my journey with them.
I know its not for them and I don’t really want to force the issue. They don’t really understand because they are ‘apparently’ happy with their size and don’t want to make any lifestyle changes.
So Saturday, the booze is flowing,
BTW I have a new love for Vodka! 🙂
Anyway, we’re gassing and one of the girls is like
‘ I can’t believe you have lost all that weight and you don’t have any wrinkles on your face?’
Wanna see wrinkles – I showed her my tits!! Stopped short of showing her my inner thighs and bingo wings thou – public place en all.
Then there’s the awkward moment when someone says
‘ the problem with people that have WLS is.. I don’t mean you Mitz..
It’s not the same anymore….
The conversation then gets a bit tense … And I start to feel increasingly conscious of the fact that no longer am I the biggest in the pack anymore but indeed the smallest…
Cheesy Grin :-D!!
Then I feel guilty!!
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I have no idea how I want this to pan out. Or what I want from this. In the beginning all I wanted was someone to hold me and let me know that everything would be ok.
But soon I got more and more involved.
I fell in love with the man I was having an affair with…
Don’t judge me as you read. This is only a snap shot of 26 years in a relationship that was filled with love, so much love.. but things changed.
I am still living in my marital home. But NOT sharing the same bed, not for 7 years now. I see myself as separated until the divorce is sorted. He sees us as married and still a family…
I have had my moments of weakness and been errrr adulterous over the years, got involved in all sorts of fetishes, groups and stuff which was fun but not fullfilling. But about 2 years ago I met someone different.
We got on well. We are different in many ways, but share some similarities. We clicked. And sexually we bonded. Intimacy is very important to me ffs, not letting that one go.
But there’s a but. A huge one. As much as I love the intimacy the situation is not conducive. We live miles apart, he is happily married and we don’t see each other for months on end.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not reliant on a man, only for killing spiders and drilling hole, probs lifting something heavy. In my home I am the main earner and keep the family going, kids, bills etc. But what I am missing now is having someone to turn to everyday for ME.
Someone just for ME.. to kiss good morning when I rise and then good night before I zZzzzzzzzzzzzz, to come home to at the end of a long day to steal a hug from when I need it to be able to share my work day shit with. Just someone that will say ‘hey – Mitzi, how’s it going?’… or call me at work once in a while for a chat about stuff rather than ‘did you put the bin out and have you left the money to pay the window cleaner’.
I quite fancy a date night, and this time of year is always worse for me.
For the 3rd time this week I am sat in a coffee shop contemplating, reflecting.. I’m always bloody thinking…
Toffee Apple Latte almost gone
I don’t feel significantly great about my situation. It’s my own doing. But what I am trying to understand is where I fit. And I don’t think I fit into any equation.
We spoke yesterday, he thinks I am rejecting him because I have not contacted him much of late. It’s self preservation I think.
But, When the call ended I realised how much I miss him.
Still love him even though I am trying to stop that.
He makes me feel warmth just from a conversation and all I did was listen.
My situation is very different. He has someone, I don’t.
I don’t go out looking, I chose to stick with him because I feel we have a strong connection and a good friendship. We have split before, but we lasted a week before starting to chat again.
Sometimes I ask myself what does he see in me?
Why does he meet me when he has everything he needs at home
I just wish I had that..
My Toffee Apple Latte has now gone …
Time to go home…..
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